i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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