he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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