I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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