happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
