Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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