I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
