R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
