is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
