ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
