..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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