he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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