the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
