I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
