were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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