took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
