Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
