I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
