oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
