why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
