gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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