Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
