also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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