Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
