Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
