Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
