Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
