Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
