Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
zippers are such a cool invention
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
