you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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