Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The uberlube is also flammable
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
