No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
