I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize