why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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