we're blogging at a bar
with your own penis?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
