I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
