You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
