you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
