Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
