Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
