Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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