I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
