i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Even my vagina gasped.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
