what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
