my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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