Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
