Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
