just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
