hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
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