all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
