that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
