im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
