What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
