yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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